Locker room etiquette
Posted: Mon Sep 22, 2008 4:29 pmI just joined a gym the other week just so i can start working out again and WTF is wrong with people in the locker room so i figured i had to let some steam of and rant and rav about locker room etiquette cause its ridiculous.
1. Get in get out. Don't dally in the locker room. It is not a place to socialize and stand around talking or reading the newspaper. When you linger in the locker room you are taking up valuable real-estate. People don't want to be on top of each other when they are changing and the longer you stay in there the more likely it is that it will start to get cramped. I really don't want to be sitting on the bench putting some socks on with some guy bending over in front of me exposing a hairy black hole inches from my face because you are in the way with the fucking newspaper.
2. No talking on the cell phone. This could go along with number one, but it needs to be mentioned in a separate line. Nobody is interested in hearing you make an appointment for your next colonic, and we're not impressed hearing you make deals with your stock broker, you are a legend in your own mind and you're not impressing anyone. In fact it demonstrates you are an idiot. Or are you really trying to take pictures? Either way you need to get out of the locker room, and not pretend to talk on the phone. Do you actually get off on the sights, smells and sounds of this room to want to stay there any longer than you need to? If so you're sicker than I thought.
3. Use a lock on your locker! It's nice that you trust nobody will steal your shit, but at the same time this is a visual indicator for others coming into the locker room where you are setting up shop. This way as other members enter the locker room they can see where the locks are placed and try to spread things out a bit and not end up on top of each other. I look around think, great I have this whole row to myself, then suddenly your sweaty ass appears opens the door next to mine and proceed to get undressed, all the while getting a good whiff of your butt cheese. Does anyone really like that smell?
4. For christ sakes wear a towel. I'm not interested in seeing your parts swinging around the room, there's nothing special going on down there, in fact why would you think anyone will want to look at it? Believe me it is disgusting to see you shaving in the mirror completely naked with hair protruding from your ass crack, have some decency man and cover it. Your wife should be explaining this to you at home, she might have been into it at one time, but I promise she is not anymore. If you are going to sit on the bench put a towel down or here's a novel idea - wear underwear - keep it covered for christ sakes. The thought of your ass crack spreading open and putting your stink down grosses me out. Also the guy with the foot powder might have just been there spreading his fungus and now your ass is really going to be hurtin.
5. Shower usage - if it is one of those shower areas with no curtains and there are two rows of showers with an aisle down the middle, use the same side as the people already in there. I'm not interested in you taking the shower across the aisle from me. I don't want to exchange pleasantries as you wash the Johnson and and spread your ass lathering up and bent over in an awkward looking stance trying to get the shower spray down there. If I wanted to shower with someone I would do it with my my paramour. I don't want to see it and I don't want you to be staring at me either.
6. Benches - they are a place to sit down. Not pile up your crap while you take a sauna and shower. WTF are we supposed to do when your shit is all over the bench and we need to sit to put our socks and shoes on? It's great you see the room as your house but perhaps next time I'll see it as my house and do a little cleaning of my own and throw all your shit away.
7. In the shower - shampoo your head and wash your body only. It is not a place to shave your dick and face. Your dick you can take care of at home, I don't want to see it. The face can be done in the sink area outside the shower area - with your towel on. The more time you spend in the shower the more likely it is that other people are going to need in and use it too, we don't want to pile up in there, waiting for the little prince to get all spiffed up. Also I don't want to be the one in there next getting your hairs all over my feet. Why would you think I would like to walk into this?
8. In the sink area. If you are going to shave, wipe up after yourself and keep it covered. Grab a paper towel and clean it up.
9. In the toilet. OK, so you drank heavily the night before had a huge dinner and suddenly its pushing at the back door, great for us huh?! Guess what - we don't want to puke. I almost did a few weeks ago - as if hearing the explosion weren't bad enough the smell drifted around the corner and thirty feet away - it took everything I had to stay conscious. While you should not be denied the use of the fixtures - please flush often, and better yet try to push it out at home first.
1. Get in get out. Don't dally in the locker room. It is not a place to socialize and stand around talking or reading the newspaper. When you linger in the locker room you are taking up valuable real-estate. People don't want to be on top of each other when they are changing and the longer you stay in there the more likely it is that it will start to get cramped. I really don't want to be sitting on the bench putting some socks on with some guy bending over in front of me exposing a hairy black hole inches from my face because you are in the way with the fucking newspaper.
2. No talking on the cell phone. This could go along with number one, but it needs to be mentioned in a separate line. Nobody is interested in hearing you make an appointment for your next colonic, and we're not impressed hearing you make deals with your stock broker, you are a legend in your own mind and you're not impressing anyone. In fact it demonstrates you are an idiot. Or are you really trying to take pictures? Either way you need to get out of the locker room, and not pretend to talk on the phone. Do you actually get off on the sights, smells and sounds of this room to want to stay there any longer than you need to? If so you're sicker than I thought.
3. Use a lock on your locker! It's nice that you trust nobody will steal your shit, but at the same time this is a visual indicator for others coming into the locker room where you are setting up shop. This way as other members enter the locker room they can see where the locks are placed and try to spread things out a bit and not end up on top of each other. I look around think, great I have this whole row to myself, then suddenly your sweaty ass appears opens the door next to mine and proceed to get undressed, all the while getting a good whiff of your butt cheese. Does anyone really like that smell?
4. For christ sakes wear a towel. I'm not interested in seeing your parts swinging around the room, there's nothing special going on down there, in fact why would you think anyone will want to look at it? Believe me it is disgusting to see you shaving in the mirror completely naked with hair protruding from your ass crack, have some decency man and cover it. Your wife should be explaining this to you at home, she might have been into it at one time, but I promise she is not anymore. If you are going to sit on the bench put a towel down or here's a novel idea - wear underwear - keep it covered for christ sakes. The thought of your ass crack spreading open and putting your stink down grosses me out. Also the guy with the foot powder might have just been there spreading his fungus and now your ass is really going to be hurtin.
5. Shower usage - if it is one of those shower areas with no curtains and there are two rows of showers with an aisle down the middle, use the same side as the people already in there. I'm not interested in you taking the shower across the aisle from me. I don't want to exchange pleasantries as you wash the Johnson and and spread your ass lathering up and bent over in an awkward looking stance trying to get the shower spray down there. If I wanted to shower with someone I would do it with my my paramour. I don't want to see it and I don't want you to be staring at me either.
6. Benches - they are a place to sit down. Not pile up your crap while you take a sauna and shower. WTF are we supposed to do when your shit is all over the bench and we need to sit to put our socks and shoes on? It's great you see the room as your house but perhaps next time I'll see it as my house and do a little cleaning of my own and throw all your shit away.
7. In the shower - shampoo your head and wash your body only. It is not a place to shave your dick and face. Your dick you can take care of at home, I don't want to see it. The face can be done in the sink area outside the shower area - with your towel on. The more time you spend in the shower the more likely it is that other people are going to need in and use it too, we don't want to pile up in there, waiting for the little prince to get all spiffed up. Also I don't want to be the one in there next getting your hairs all over my feet. Why would you think I would like to walk into this?
8. In the sink area. If you are going to shave, wipe up after yourself and keep it covered. Grab a paper towel and clean it up.
9. In the toilet. OK, so you drank heavily the night before had a huge dinner and suddenly its pushing at the back door, great for us huh?! Guess what - we don't want to puke. I almost did a few weeks ago - as if hearing the explosion weren't bad enough the smell drifted around the corner and thirty feet away - it took everything I had to stay conscious. While you should not be denied the use of the fixtures - please flush often, and better yet try to push it out at home first.